Prove that traveling abroad in Archaic Japan wasn't sometimes extremely risky and always dirty. You can't.

"When they go on voyages across the sea to visit China, they always select a man who does not arrange his hair, does not rid himself of fleas, lets his clothing [get as] dirty as it will, does not eat meat and does not approach women...When the voyage turns out propitious, they all lavish on him slaves and other valuables. In case there is disease or mishap, they kill him, saying that he was not scrupulous in his duties."

[Source: Mason, R.H.P. and J.G. Caiger. A History of Japan. North Clarenden, VT: Tuttle Publishing, 1997.]

P.S. Just how many initials do authors need to have?

P.P.S. (For Chantyzzle: It may not be January 8th yet in America, but it definitely is here in Japan. To be sure.)

Prove that ancient Greek historians weren't sometimes cocky about their knowledge. You can't.

"At this point I am compelled to express an opinion which will be resented by the majority of men, but I shall not restrain myself, since it seems to me to be correct." -Herodotus VII. 138-139

Prove that religious texts from the Roman Empire didn't say really weird things. You can't.

"[To be wrought by the help] of a boy, with a lamp, a bowl, and a stand. I invoke thee, O Zeus, Helius, Mithra, Sarapis, unconquerable, possessor of honey, Melicertes, father of honey, abraalbabachambechi, baibeizoth, ebaibeboth, seriabeboth, amelchipsithiouthipithoio, pnoutenin, thereterou, iueueoo, aieia, eeoia, eeai, eueie, ooooo, eueouao, ai, bakaxichuch, bosepseteth, phobe, biboth, the great, great Sarapis; samasphreth, odargazas, odarmagas, odaphar, ykiaboth, ephia, zelearthar, methomeo, lamarmera, optebi, ptebi, marianou, appear and give heed to him who has manifested before fire and snow, bainphoooch, for thou art he who didst manifest light and snow, terrible-eyed-thundering-and-lightning-swift-footed one, pintouche, etomthoout, opsianaeak, arourongoa, paphtha, enosade, iae, iaoai, aoiao, oeu..."

Blogger's note: "E-I-E-I-O" is all I have to say to that. I'm also considering this text to be proof that spell-checking during this period was a pain in the you-know-what. If you know what I mean.

P.S. Wanna know something really sad? I painstakingly double-checked the spelling of every word on this post. As if that was going to make a difference.

[Source: Lewis, Naphtali and Meyer Reinhold, eds. Roman Civilization, Volume II: Selected Readings: The Empire. 3rd ed. New York: Columbia University Press, 1990. Page 532.]

Prove to me ancient Greeks didn't know how to breakdance. You can't.

"Finally, the crucial day came on which the marriage [of his daughter] was to be announced and Kleisthenes was to say whom he chose out of all the suitors.... When they rose from dinner, the suitors held a competition among themselves in musicianship and table-talk. The drinking went on and Hippokleides was winning easily; but now he ordered the flautist to play him a tune and when the man obeyed he danced to it. No doubt he danced to his own satisfaction, but when Kleisthenes saw him he took it rather ill. Hippokleides now paused for a bit, but then ordered a table to be brought and, when it came first danced Lakonian and then Attic dances on it and finally put his head on the table and danced with his legs in the air. Kleisthenes, during the first and second dances, had been repelled by the thought that Hippokleides with his dancing and his lack of self-respect might be his son-in-law; but he had restrained himself, wishing to avoid an outburst against him; but when he saw him dancing with his legs in the air he could hold himself back no longer and said, 'Son of Teisandros, you have danced away your marriage.' And Hippokleides simply replied, 'Hippokleides does not care,' which has become a saying."

(Herodotus, VI. 129-130)